The Ballad of Valerius the Bold

By Andrew I. Scott

It was on a damp day of Scottish cold
That up from his stupor woke Valerius the bold.
The Legion drew up and waited for the sign
And valiant Valerius went for his best wine.

The mighty Ninth Legion marched to their doom
But the brave Third Cohort got lost in the gloom.
Some said Galen cast a spell quite deft
Whatever the case the Third Cohort turned left.

Valerius swore off drink as he peered through the mist
Because up came a bear who tried to enlist.
Then the brave Romans built a fort in the clearing
The direct result of their poor orienteering.

With death behind Valerius sighed with relief
Then looked around with great disbelief.
Dragons, bears, and other strange creatures
The Romans’ new home had many weird features.

With the danger now gone Valerius began to relax
The fine Roman discipline became quite lax.
He grabbed his amphora and poured a toast
To the god Bacchus and his new post.